The Secret Quarter-life Crisis

Why does no one warn you about the quarter-life crisis? Yesterday, I found myself aimlessly walking around the grocery store. Not knowing what I was looking for, I perused aisle after aisle. Sample after sample and cute displays galore couldn't lead me to a decision about anything. I couldn't figure out what I needed, if anything. Lately this is how I've felt about life. There are so many things to sample and aisles to go down but I'm having a hard time deciding what is for me.

According to Wikipedia, the term quarter-life crisis was coined in 2001 by Abby Wilner and Alexandra Robbin in their book, Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties. I graduated from college the year after this book was published. At this time, the aforementioned term was still as foreign to me as benefits and retirement; that would change.

While going through college, I never worried about what would happen afterwards, always assuming things would fall into place as they should. When I did start to occasionally worry, everyone would remark, “Oh you’re so young. You have plenty of time.” Or there was always the, “Have fun! You’ve got the rest of your life to work. Enjoy yourself now while you can.” Ironically when I bring up my current concerns about the ambiguity of my future, I still get almost the exact same responses. I’m tired of it! Can someone just tell me what to do!

We spend most of our early lives being told what we should do by a variety of sources: our parents, grandparents, teachers, preachers, counselors, friends, and TVs. However, once you hit that mid-twenty mark you are automatically supposed to know what to do and it’s just not that easy. The guidance and advice is still there but above it is this sense of personal responsibility that I think is sometimes a jolt for most young adults. More often than not, you find yourself thinking, “Ahhhh! I’m a grown-up now. I’ve got to figure this out on my own. When did I become a grown-up?”

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to "get grown.” While my mom did let me dress myself, as evidenced by this photo, she also made me wear underwear with my ballet leotards and I thought that was the most ridiculous thing ever. However, now I keep a picture book beside my desk with photos like this one that make me smile and remember my little girl ways because being grown isn't always as glamorous as I once thought it would be and no one warned me!

Now I’m drawing a blank and everything I start to write is not what I want to write. Hmm… Much like my topic. Ahhh! Is there no escape from the quarter-life crisis? Okay - deep breath-what am I thinking?

Quarter-life crisis symptoms first started for me about three years ago. My first year out of college I lived by myself and spent much of it getting used the 8 to 5, “real world” routine. It was a harder transition than I thought. Most of my college friends had moved away, I was lonely, and I think maybe a little depressed. The next year, I moved closer to downtown and split living costs with a roommate. This was the life. I partied almost as much, if not more, than when in college but this time didn’t have homework to worry about. It was great! That is until the “Hey, what am I going to do with my life?” questions began popping into my head.

I thought I was the only one feeling this way. Then I began talking with my friends and, low and behold, they were either having the same fears and frustrations as me or had them when they were around my age. Even my friends who always had a life plan didn’t seem to know where it was going. The main thing we agreed on was the fact that no one had ever told us about this life-after-college quest for meaning, purpose, and direction. It wasn’t until I started doing some research of my own that I learned most of the American population goes through some sort of quarter-life crisis between their mid- to late-twenties. There are now more recent studies and finding on this life period and there obviously were before I graduated as well but back then I just didn’t know what to expect or where to look.

Now, I’m at ripe old age of 28 and many of my friends are married or getting there. They are finding their path with someone by their side and looking to a future together. I don’t know if that makes things easier but it definitely changes the perspective. Although, what about those of us who are on our own? What is our path, our passion, our dream? How and when will we find them? These are the questions that keep going through my mind and maybe yours as well. However, I think it’s ok to be unsure and just not know right now. I know I don’t. Maybe my dream is helping someone else discover their dream? Maybe that’s my passion? I have so many and can’t seem to narrow them down. But I’m confident I will, in time. Soon I hope ☺